on living alone

something just occurred to me. this might be the one and only time i will live alone in my entire life. i am sitting here, and i just thought to myself "i have so many movies, how come i havent watched any in weeks?" and i realized its because im living. im keeping busy. last semester in my single dorm room i watched a different movie everyday with my door open. now i dont even remember i have them to watch.

it is this very moment that i have been waiting for ever since i found out i am moving in. i now know that the past two months have actually changed me. i was so uncomfortable here in the beginning. i thought i needed to clean up every dirty thing, pick up everything on the floor. i was overwhelmed with domestic chores.

but i found my way. i found a way that works. i feel like this is a home finally, and i dont give a shit that dishes are over-piling the sink. i am just so happy to be here. replace happy with lucky. replace lucky with unlucky. then try: confused, lonely, excited, overwhelmed, oblivious, drunk.

i keep yelling at myself for fucking up my grades. but you know what. i have a feeling college is just like high school, and finishing is all that really matters. and either way, ill get by. college is a luxury for most people not a necessity. at least im learning something that i know for sure will be relevant to my future, and that is how to live on your own.

i also learned im a boring writer when im sober